If you would of told me that I would be so emotionally destroyed I would of denied the thought of it. Don't get me wrong, I knew from day one that I was going to get hurt no matter what I did.
I had two options in my life:
1.) Continue the fun. Enjoy it while it last and then deal with the hurt of him leaving in the end.
2.) Then there was option two where I stop talking to Hunter, stop the fling and distance myself with hope that when he leaves I wont be hurting so bad.
No where in there did I ever think there was an option three, apparently though, there is.
3.) Now Option three happened and though everyday I feel like my heart is being ripped out and the the world itself is ending around me, It was probably for the best. Option three was me informing Hunter of how I feel with hopes that he might actually like me back .. in summary, he didn't have a mutual feeling and now I can't breath when he's around. My anxiety attacks are a t an all time high. I miss him so much. we never talk anymore. I ruined everything and feel like I lost so much.
I can't help but stop the same questions from running through my head. Why doesn't he like me? Am I not good enough? What did I do wrong? I don't know what to do. I just want to stop the hurting.
I swore that if I tried to move on that would help solve all my problems. It worked in the past right? Guess not, I've been trying to move on by going out with Chris but in all honesty I truly don't like him. Well last night my brain was not working apparently and me and Chris sort of took it a little too far. Needless to say Chris is now lucky number 9. Sigh
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