SAAC

So if my job in sports information doesn't kill me then me volunteering to do video promotions for the SAAC will. Everyday after classes I go to all the sports practices which in case you didn't know, is a lot. I don't know. I hope that I'm not running myself thin with all the work I'm doing but I'm also really proud with what I'm doing and all the recognition I'm getting.

Life is What it Is

I guess things are going ok. Not much has changed. Me and Hunter still aren't talking and that kills me. Honestly if I wanted to I could go date like a hundred different people but he's all I want :( I need to get over that. He leaves here in a few months anyway and odds of me ever seeing him again are slim.

In other news the plan for me and my friends getting a house is coming along nicely. We actually found this really nice one and I'm starting to get excited for it.

At this current point in my life I am trying to build up the courage to talk to my grandma. I miss her so much but I don't know if I'm ready to let her back in my life. I know for a fact that I'm not going to her house for Christmas. I cant even fathom the thought of seeing or dealing with my mom yet. My grand ma was right when she said she had the choice of who she was allowed to have in her life. Turns out I have the choice to and I think its a good choice for me to make to not be associated with my mother anymore.

All in all there really isn't anything new for me to talk about. I don't really have anything big going on and nothing bad enough for me to file a complaint.

It's What It Is

There's really not a lot of new things going on in my life right now. I'm slowly beginning to set everything straight which is nice but I'm beginning to get bored again which is a little sad. I haven't seen or talked to Hunter since the night we drank and a small part of me really misses him. I miss bob and Knub a lot. I miss the comfort of having people close.

I'm suppose to go home with Dylan for thanksgiving this year but as time goes on I wonder if that what I really want to do. I know that for a fact that I'm not going home. Maybe it would be best on everyone if I just stayed here in the dorms. I don't know what I'm suppose to do or what I want to do for that matter.

I tell everyone that I'm okay with the fact that my parents divorced because everyone got happier but honestly sometimes it makes me miss how easy things use to be. It's hard to explain what's important to you when you yourself don't even know.

The Today and Now

I'm kind of in a weird place right now. I told Chris about my crush without a hesitation. I was just really open with him. I don't regret is either.

Theres also the fact that me and Hunter have been on each other like white on rice. Hes pretty rad and we've just been hooking up a lot. I went to beckley last night and we drank and hooked up. Slightly nervous since we didn't use protection but I'm not super scared.

Catch Up

In a small part of my mind I know that I'm being a hypocrite towards Nate and Dylan. Last year I drank in the dorms but not quite like they are. I took a shot here and there but for the most part I drank off campus and that's something I always stress to people is that if your going to drink then you need to do it off of campus. These last few days Dylan has been drinking everyday doing shots and actually going to class drunk. I don't know it just doesn't sit right with me and I don't want him to get caught and kicked out.


In other news I'm going home to Logan here in a week or so to see Knub and Bob. I think I might bring Nick back with me so he can spend the week up here with my friends and I. I miss that boy so much and after everything he's been through lately I think its time for him to have a change of scenery. I was talking to my dad earlier and I think next year I'm going to live off of campus with my brother up here in Manchester and I'm going to help him try and get his life straightened out.


Schools ok so far I guess. I'm so in love with my job that its crazy. My friends are great but I cant get over the feeling that something is missing in my life. I keep trying to compensate for it with other things but so far nothing is working. I started seeing Hunter again and I cant help but think that it was a mistake. I don't want to get hurt but it looks like im already beginning to. This isn't something I can really share with my friend since there all against me seeing him anyway. Whatever, to each there own.


Its been decided that I am going to Dylan's house for thanksgiving. Hopefully ill be able to handle that. I'm not invited to my own family holiday events and it just feels weird and wrong to make my way into other peoples families. I just wish I had my own normal one. Sigh.


Well its two in the morning and I have to be up here in a few hours of work. I think im gonna head off to bed here in a few but I might do one more lap first. Night.

Schoolish

You know, things could be worst. They can always be worst. However things are pretty good right now. Works going great and I'm actually starting to get some recognition for my art which is exciting because I've actually been published a few times. It's also nice to have an outlook by doing film and photography. School is ok I guess. I've been offered up for a social work practucium which is exciting! I get to travel for a semester and study under other social workers. Professor Barge loves me and would do anything for me!

Transgender

I'm feeling really good about things at this current moment. I was worried there for awhile about my brother and don't get me wrong I still am but I just got out of a meeting with Burdge and she helped me a lot. Last night me and Dylan got into it about how he feels about my brother and more or less I can't even look at him without feeling disgusted. I know its not fully his fault. He was raised this way and this is how he was told to believe but I still cant get past the fact that hes judging Nick. Dylan is the one person I never expected to act like this and he is. It just makes me worry even more about the rest of the world.

Anyway, I have a United Sexuality meeting tomorrow which will be nice and helpful. Burdge also gave me some books to read and I have another meeting with her on Wednesday and then I have a meeting with Danette on Tuesday next week. Things are feeling great and I'm so glad I have people in my life who can help me.