Ready for School.

I just spent 6 hours writing a paper and here I am continuing to write some more to update my blog. My brain is fried but I figured while I'm on a role I might as well update my blog.

So life has been pretty good. I had a heart to heart with Dylan and now I feel a lot better about going back too school. I've started working on my SOL stuff and am actually counting down the days till I go back to school. I have so much stuff that I have to get done but I'm just happy that I'm feeling a lot better about things now. I know I'm going to miss Knub Bob and Chuck so much but they've all promised to come see me and Dylan promised to help me get through it all.

I have a doctors appointment Thursday to get my anxiety medicine back so things will be gucci it looks like. Just trying to keep my head high and not look at things in a negative way. God knows if I do that then they will actually be negative.

Life in the here and now

At the beginning of this summer I really was in a huge state of depression. I had no idea how I was going to get through the summer and I was so ready to get back to college. Now though things have changed. I'm beyond happy and honestly don't want to go back to school in the slightest.

I met some very amazing people who I hope will forever be in my life. I'm going to try this year out at school and hope for the best but honestly if it doesn't work then I'm not staying.

Confrontation

Confrontation. Is it even worth it? Here I am stuck in between confronting a person whose been talking about me behind my back. I'm use to people talking about me so its not like I'm really upset about that but its when they say something to another person and that person thinks bad of me that makes me mad. Is it worth bringing it up, fighting, arguing and never really fixing things. Or should I just ignore it like all the other time and let them continue to go about themselves. I don't know.

Just Crushin' Don't Mind Me

So There's this boy..

Yea I know I've said that before and I'm sure Ill say it again in the future

However this is one boy that I already know that I have no future with and that I just in generally cant be with him. So many people would be pissed and to be honest the only reason I'm remotely attracted to him is because he's a rebel without a cause. I love a "bad boy". I've always said from day one that I hate that mushy love crap. I want a guy whose an ass but when he needs to be he'll be there for me and be sweet.

Anyway I'm only in crush mode with this kid right now and I'm planning on smashing it before it becomes anything else. I can't afford to fall for him. It would actually turn out worst then any other guy I've fallen for now that I think about it.

The Here and Now

I'm caught in a weird sort of place in my life right now. Everything that I once thought was important is beginning to lose its meaning to me. At one point in my life I would of sworn my loyalties to my friends and thought nothing of it. My high importance of Dylan has been made small and almost unimportant. Within the last few days Dylan and I have been talking and I keep finding myself getting more and more shitty at him. A long time ago me and him talked about how we can't be in relationships because we realize someones flaws and focus on them so much that they ruin the relationship. I think that's finally happened which is weird because I never thought it could happen with him.

The significant impact the Jordan's had on my life is monumental. The realization that are friendship like it use to be is now coming to an end kinda hurts. I loved Jordan and I still do. He's changed from the man I fell in love with to this stranger that he's in love with. I told him from day one many years ago that before everything else I am his friend and no matter how much it hurt this is the time when I have to be his friend. My Buzbee is gone, this new guys is here and I've just got to get use to him because he's not going anywhere.

I'm stuck between being excited and being nervous for going back to school. Theirs a high probability that Dylan won't be coming back and to be honest I think I've accepted that and i think that I will be ok with that. It's  Holly that I'm nervous for and to be honest theirs a higher probability that she wont be able to come back then Dylan. Either this year is going to work out in some way and be great or its going to be a very boring struggle.

Gay Marriage in Indiana

So if you didn't know there has been this really big thing on gay marriage in Indiana. It started with Indiana wanting to make it so that gay marriage would be banned altogether. Then over the summer some people became smart and said it was unjustified to make gay marriage illegal so they made it legal! Well it was legal for like half a day. Indiana actually had some couples that went and got married!

For some reason they decided to make it illegal again and they actually told the people who got married to ignore the fact that they got married and that it wasn't real. The people who got married are now in a huge court deal claiming that there marriages were legal when they happened and they should still be recognized. Whoo Go them!

Venting For A Moment

I don't want to write alot of personal stuff on here but every once in a while I think i'm going to have to do a vent post or something.

I'm trying to get back into more drawing and reading like I use to do. I keep thinking about my tattoo "Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality" I got that to remind me not to take things to seriously. One of the things that always made me dream was reading. I love the places it can take and you the dreams that it can give you. Since I started college thing got to serious. I never left room to dream.

So there was this huge thing with me trying to make sure that Dylan came back to school. I'm pretty sure that he's coming back, knock on wood, but I don't know. Somethings changed between us now. I still love the kid don't get me wrong, but I don't think I'm in love with him. I said from day one that I didn't want to be with him and I meant it, but now I know I don't want to be with him. I think I decided this the other day when me and him were talking about his new girl but for the most part I'm ready to get out and find me my own guy.

Speaking of guys, what the fuck is up with them lately. Jordan is no longer Jordan. He's changed to the point of me not even wanting to have him as a friend. He just pisses me off so much. The there's Eric. You know I'm starting to think that this mans in line with Hunter. Both of them are shady bastards. Granted Hunter was straight up with the fact that he wanted to just hook up. Eric never really wanted that, he wanted to date but then he started to disappear.

I keep thinking about school. This years going to be very different I have a feeling. Everyone's dating someone, I have to put more of a focus into school and in general I think its just going to be a really matured kind of feel. I'm ready for it. Honestly this has been one of the longest, most boring summers of my life and I can't wait to get back to having fun people to hang out with. I miss the random bull shit that we always did. I miss having people who cared and listened. I miss all the intellectual conversations. God I miss that the most. Seriously so many people think that they can hold a conversation about something smart like healthcare reform or a new law that's passed. Honestly they can't. I go to a school where on a daily basis I have to write papers about this stuff and do research papers on it. I know what I'm talking about and it makes me so mad when someone says I'm wrong. I've just gotten to the point where I don't even argue with them. My moms the worst when it comes to this. I hate to say it but intellectually I've surpasses my mother and stimulating conversations with her are hard to come by.

Alright then theirs the current problems of my dad. For the last year I've been telling myself that I'm over all the stuff that my dad did. Recently though my Philosophy teacher asked me to write a bio of my life for a project. I've been working on it slowly and most recently got to the subject of my parents divorce. The more I write the more I realize that I'm not over it. I'm still really mad at  him. It actually disgust me to see him and talk to him still. His immature attitude is what kills me the most. I don't feel like I have a right to be mad him though. he's done so much for me this last year that I know I should be grateful but in all honesty it still doesn't change anything.

Last Post

So I'm kinda in love with my last post and think I might actually talk a lot about controversial things in Logansport or anywhere. Next time I think Ill enlighten you with all this bullshit gay marriage reforms in Indiana.

Controversy

As of recently Logansport had begun to employ police officers who ride bikes around all the parks in town to keep track of events and to make sure that nothing bad it happening.

I like this idea because not only is it a healthier alternative but its also nicer on the tax payers check books. All in all its a good idea but Its the comments from the community that are starting to bug me.

A majority of the comments are about how its about time the the police will be taking care of all the bad kids in town and they can no longer hide. Others are talking about how they never needed cops like this when they were kids.

Heres my thoughts on that:
 For people to sit here and blame it on the kids is wrong.I'm not saying that there isn't any bad kids bit its the fact that those kid have parents, and those parents are the ones making comments about the cops. If they would of just raised there kids right and not let them run wild on the streets then we wouldn't of had this problem. Or wouldn't of had such a severe point of this problem.