Turn Of Events

So there's been an interesting turn of events. My plan on Aaron changed things a bit and now I know I made one of the worst mistakes of my life. 

I should of never chose jake. 

You know how you have love triangles on TV and the girl always chooses the right one and doesn't get hurt? Why cNt that be me. So much of what jake did was wrong and a lie. Aaron's actually kind of amazing but I think I ruined it. If he ever knew the truth... 

I think my best option is to honestly stay away from both of them. I know I'm done with jake but I guess I have to be done with Aaron to. Sigh. 

Another Day Another Dolla

Well things are good. I got a lot of stuff done yesterday and I' super happy about that. Today I travel witht he wrestling team to Trine to do video and photos. It's going to be interesting being stuck with wrestlers all by myself.

You know it almost makes me sad that another part in my life is over. Dylan likes this new girl Sabrina. In the past I would of told him to go for it and it would of killed me inside. Now, I actually mean it when I tell him and I don't get jealous. However though I will admit that I judge the girl pretty damn harshly. I have to make sure there right for him. None the less I'm happy for him and I wish him the best.

Now onto something that's actually been bugging me. So I kinda figured I'd get a little bit of judgement when it came to me dealing with my STD. However I didn't think that my friends would use that as reason to tell me that I shouldn't be with certain people. I'm allowed to live my life normally. In the end it just comes down to the other person. There the ones that get to decide if the want to be apart of it.

Sooooo

Well, I'm not gonna lie, things are bleak and i'm going to be open now because i'm not embarrassed anymore. So the reason I got so sick earlier this month was because I have an STD, Herpes to be exact. I never knew that you get so sick from them. None the less, all my friends and family that know expect me to hate the guy who gave them to me. Honestly I don't. He didn't know he had them and I'm sadly still head over heels for the fuck.

So much so that me and him are still planning revenge plots against Aaron. Yea I should probably let it go and yea you would think that I learned my lesson but I didn't and now I don't have anything to lose really so let the games begin.

In other news I am finally beginning to get healthy again and have actually started my ADHD medicine. It's nice being able to focus and actually get shit done for once. Other then that I guess me and my friends are working on our relationships and are slowly becoming friends again. I don't know. Half the time I don't even care or want to try but I know that it will appease everyone else so I do.

A Bit Of Whats Up

Ok I'm going to go ahead and apologize in advanced for how vague this is going to be.

Recently I met an amazing guy named Jake. We spent all our time together and I honestly liked him. Then I started to get very sick. We went to the ER and they told me it was the flu. Then the next day we went to my family doctor and she told me it was tonsillitis. The day after that I woke up and I knew that something had changed in my sickness. Something wasn't right. I called my step mom and she took me to urgent care. At urgent care they diagnosed me with a disease. A disease in which I can't get rid of and now have to live with the rest of my life.

No one knows but Karen and Jake and I plan on keeping it that way for awhile. I was extremely upset but happy that I had Jake there by my side to help me through everything. Then one day I came home from class and Jake was packing. Turns out he no longer felt comfortable living with me because my roommate kept yelling at him.

To much dismay I understood and helped him pack. He moved into a friends house in Elkart. Not a day has gone by where I don't randomly break down in tears either over my diagnosis, over Jake, or over the fact that I'm completely alone now, I cant talk to my friends, I don't know how.

Today I tried to take a leap and talk to my friends and go to lunch with them. It was harder then I thought and was horribly awkward. Halfway through it I checked facebook and found out that Jake was in a relationship with a new girl. I texted him about it, turns out he also might have a baby on the way. None the less I'm kind of just in the mid state between super pissed, crying my eyes out, or disappearing in general.